Lost within her
by RiversEdge29
Summary: Bo's life takes an amazing turn after spending a night with her girlfriend's younger sister, Lauren. This is a story of the strength of love. Love is an intensity of desire set on fire by passion and power. Love is worth holding onto even when you can't see what's on the other end of your rope.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: own nothing. don't sue. enjoy :)**

"Babysit? Uh, I wouldn't say im the babysitting type, not by a long shot, babe" I say to the sexy woman sitting beside me in my car.

Were driving to her apartment because she has to pick up some papers and then head in to the office, yep, shes a grown up at only 25, and she works in an office and everything. Cameron and I met while she was working at an art gallery opening. She's in advertising and goes to those things for fun. For fun? Can you imagine? I go because I have to, because random assholes want to pontificate the meaning of life with me and tell me how much my work inspires them. Blah blah yada yada. I just want to get paid.

Im an artist yes, but I wouldn't say im one of those artistic souls I paint and sketch because I love the idea of having no rules no lines to color inside of. I guess im an artist because I like being my own boss.

"No, no, no. not kids, its not a kid. It's my younger sister, Lauren, she's 23" She explains with a hopeful look on her face. Abit hopeful and abit desperate if im being honest.

Not that I don't mind being a good person every now and then but come on, babysitting? Its right up there with TSA cavity search on the list of things id NOT love to do.

"I cant miss this meeting, Bo, not when Im so close to closing this account and my boss, oh god hes going to ride me if I screw this up. Its only for an hour or two I swear. And then never again! I promise"

I feel uneasy having her beg so I finally give in and say yes.

Im rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and arms wrapped around my neck while I pull the car in to the parking lot of her apartment

"Thank you thank you thank you. I will make this up to you, baby over and over again"

She says through kisses, this time on my mouth

"I don't doubt that for a minute" I say with a hint of a smirk

"uh, theres one small tiny itty bitty detail before we go in okay?"

"oh, god here it comes, vampire?"

She laughs

"even worse? Oh not a bieber fan" I gag playfully

"yes babe, shes a vampire who rocks out to bieber in her underwear and sings into a hair brush"

"go back to the uh, dancing in her underwear part" I say half joking

"don't be a pervert, Bo, this is my sister" she slaps me on the arm playfully and then begins to tell me about her sister

"She's not exactly like others her age. She's , well shes really smart, like abnormally smart" she begins cautiously

"Does she have a beautiful mind?" I ask with a serious face

"You could say that?" she says oblivious to the sarcasm

"but shes totally sweet and really easy going. Its just that she, well she sometimes gets lost in her work."

"work?" I ask uncertain of what kind of work this girl is into

"mostly theoretical physics and psychology"

"enough said" I answer back flatly. Yep, this is going to be the longest two hours of my existence.

"after the meeting im all yours"

"yeah, I'll keep reminding myself of that when Im knee deep in theoretical physics with your sister"

She laughs and we both exit the car and make our way up to her apartment on the second floor

I follow with just enough distance to admire her figure. She really is a ten.

"Okay were here, she says and pauses to turn around and look at me before she opens the door to let us in.

Remember, just an hour or so, okay?" she says as she tugs on the hem of my jeans and pulls me close

"If this is your idea of a pep talk, its having the opposite effect on me, darling. You might want to stop talking now." she smiles and we kiss

Before we have a chance to finish our kiss the door swings open and a girl who I assume is the sister in question, stretches out a pair of long tan arms with a smile as she says something

I cant catch what she says because she does this thing where she sort of whisper talks and I get the impression this is normal behavior for her since Cameron leans in to the hug and replies like its nothing new.

At first glance I can tell the girl is attractive. Long wavy blond hair with streaks of light brown. Big blue eyes. Tan. Toned. She's about the same height as cameron which would make her about two inches shorter than me. She's wearing jeans and a social distortion band tee.

Interesting, I wouldn't have expected that from a smart girl. Maybe something more along the lines of the cast of the big bang theory, Thursdays at 8:30 on tbs. just kidding I don't know what time it airs. But I digress.

"Lauren theres someone id like you to meet" cameron says in a tone that matches the one I heard moments ago from the sister.

Cameron gestures for me to follow as she walks her sister, now holding her hand, into the apartment,

"this is my friend Bo. She's going to hang out here for abit while I go to my meeting. How does that sound? Does that sound like fun, Lolo?"

Cameron's talking to this girl like she's on an episode of Touch, Fridays at 8:30 on fox.

"Friend or girlfriend?" Lauren inquires as she looks intently at me for the first time since we arrived. Her eyes have a very serious sparkle to them, like the intensity is so strong that it makes her seem almost glazed over, or perhaps shes just really medicated. Its probably the latter.

"Uh,…" Cameron begins to answer but has trouble considering weve only known each other a few months and havent really had the talk

"Im a girl who's her friend" I say looking from Cameron to Lauren, who is still focused on me.

"Okay" is all she says and then turns her attention back to Cameron, fully

"I did it! I figured out the explanation, its simple abstraction concept, its, its well its like the intricacy of the model was part of the solution and the problem.."

She suddenly becomes really animated speaking with her arms and her eyes and her mouth, its really weird considering just a moment ago I was sure she was slowly working herself up to medicated vegetable. And her voice is a normal level now, no more whispers. I wonder what that was about.

She's going on and cameron is listening but I can tell its more out of respect than interest

"well I still have some kinks to work out but it should be good, im well on my way, Cam" she reminds me of those weirdos you see in the movies who wear shirts with rips and don't run a brush through their hair for months and walk around shouting smart shit and waving their hands around. She has all of that…only she's kind of attractive.

"You should get going, you don't want to be late for your meeting" She smiles and she goes to a table full of papers and books near the kitchen

"Right, well ill be back before you know it" she says placing her left hand on Lauren's right cheek and then turns to me and smiles before mouthing 'thank you'

I walk her to the door and nonchalantly grab her ass just before she turns to hug me. 'see you soon' she says and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hurry back" I say

And then its just the two of us, me and Einstein.

I turn to face her expecting her to be where we left her near the kitchen but I jump back and hit the door with my ass when I find her right behind me, studying me again. This girl really does love to study.

We stare at each other for a good two minutes without speaking

I bet this is what dogs feel like when they size up a human to see who's going to end up the alpha. It doesn't seem like a territorial thing, more like anticipating a reaction. I bet she's expecting me to cave and get freaked out or something. But ive seen crazy before, she's nothing too new for me.

"see something you like?" I say with a smirk. Now that ive had a chance to see her this up close and personal (starring robert redford) I have to admit shes fucking hot. Pretty damn sexy even with the whole crazy thing.

"I know you do" she replies without missing a beat.

I laugh, she's interesting to say the least.

"oh yeah?" I say and push myself off the door and inch in closer to her just abit, she doesn't move back

"you think im hot, no wait…fucking hot, right? You said fucking hot didn't you?" theres a short pause and then she adds as an afterthough "Yeah you like to throw in a curse word or two don't you?" she smirks as I stand there wondering how she figured that one out. Maybe its just obvious that she's hot and that I like to cuss right?

"fucking hot? Pfft, I barely even noticed you were a girl" I lie

"you have really honest eyes" she says matter of factly " I bet that's the only honest thing about you"

This girl is unreal. At the very least she's unusual. I think she just called me a liar.

"you uh you know how to.." my curiosity gets the better of me and I finally resign to attack the elephant in the room

"read minds? No but I know how to read bodies and yours has been screaming 'I want to fuck' since you walked through the door, with my sister no less, have you no shame?" she laughs as she starts walking back to the kitchen

"geez, woman do you always talk with that mouth?" I say.

She starts off on another rant however not as animated this time about language and semantics and blah blah

I see her fiddling in the cupboards for a mug and then open the fridge to grab something

I leave her in the kitchen talking to herself and go to take a seat on the couch. Its an open floor plan with no walls between the kitchen and the couch but still I think she gets the point. Conversation hopefully over.

I click on the tv absentmindedly

"how many girls have you slept with?" she asks taking the seat next to me on the couch. She's got a cup in her hand and it smells good. I think it's a fruit smoothie. She smells like vanilla. Smells good, sweet.

"I showered today" she says running a hand through her messy blond curls and picking up on my thoughts again. "it's vanilla shampoo"

How does she do that?

"I noticed" I say turning to face the tv that's now blaring some music video with scantily clad women dancing around.

"so how many?" she asks again

"not enough" I retort with no real emotion

"so not too many, yet?" im not sure if its posed as a question or comment.

"yet?" I say

"there will come a yet" she sips on her drink and then licks her lips, I catch a glimpse from the corner of my eye. Im tempted to turn and look at her again but im trying not to. Nothing good seems to come of her looking me in the eyes. I think that's how she keeps reading my thoughts, through my eyes. I make a mental note of wearing sunglasses if I ever meet her again

"it's just sex, its human nature to want to be with someone, intimately" I don't know where that came from. that's pretty deep, for me anyway.

"there's nothing intimate about sex, it's meant for reproduction really, no, the intimacy of love and necessity of sex are entirely dissimilar" she says repositioning her body and curling her legs to her knees still facing me.

"dissimilar?"

"it means different."

"ah, so you mean to tell me that if fucking, say another girl, has no chance of ending in reproduction then its not love? Bullshit"

"that's so not what I said" she giggles "you don't listen very well, do you?" she shakes her head slightly

Now I turn to face her with a look that says something like what or huh and she must pick up on that too because she begins to explain more clearly

"you said you choose to have many sexual partners out of a desire for intimacy, your choice of word was intimacy. Do you really feel connected to someone when you fuck them? Do you know their deepest darkest secrets or their most cherished memories before you take them to bed? When your long soft fingers are inside of them" her eyes look down at my hands that are holding the tv remote and then back up to my face before she continues

does it make you feel like you want to share something of yourself with them?" she licks her lips and clutches her mug with her fingers. I notice the movement. I notice how long her fingers are and for a split second I get the image of them on my body, inside of me.

Oh god I pray she doesn't read that one out loud! Hell, I pray she stops reading them altogether!

She stares at me for a minute and im sure she knows what Ive just thought. She says nothing though then I look away

She leans forward for a moment and puts the mug down on the coffee table in front of us and then resumes her same position

"you know, its easy to give away your body in a desirous sexual act, after all most sex is desired, right? But its infinitely more complicated and feared to give away something from within ourselves" wow, she really has a way with words. "especially when we view sex as a weapon"

"I don't use sex as a weapon" I say offensively

"I said view not use" she corrects and then changes the direction abit

"if I asked you to undress me and run your tongue all over my body while I dig my fingers into your hair im sure you wouldn't think twice. Now if I asked you to share the reason why you jump from person to person you wouldn't know how to string to words together would you?" she smiles. "its not that you want to feel intimacy" she puts air quotes around the word "its that you want to feel distracted. You figure if you can seduce their bodies then its less likely that they will want the real you. Your essence, your soul, your heart, your love" as she names them off, my essence, my soul, I feel the sensation of fire coursing through me. Her words are like gasoline

"Its like that saying when we were kids "no snacking before dinner or you'll spoil your appetite. Love is a meal, lust is the snack that spoils our appetite and makes us want the meal less and less because we become full, at least we think we become full. In reality most of us walk around with an emptiness inside"

"I don't jump from person to person. Its more of a leisurely stroll" I say resting my head back on the couch and exhaling. This girl is making me feel naked and its not the good fun kind of naked. Its kind of exhausting

"has it been an hour yet?" I asked hopeful

"its been twelve minutes" she replies

I look over at her and her eyes are focused on my lips

"you have a beautiful mouth"

"uh, thanks?" random much? This chick.

"do you love my sister?" she says making eye contact with me

"it's only been a few months" I laugh, abit nervous for some reason

"you can tell in a moment if its love. All you have to do is shut everything else off and listen" she laughs "of course, weve already established that youre shit at listening, most people are shit at listening"

"you sure do cuss a lot for a smart person. Arent geeks supposed to be well mannered and proper and what not?"

"geeks? Im not a geek, im just very alert. I pay attention better than others"

"pay attention to what?"

"to life"

"I don't get it, but okay"

"want to see something?"

"no, not really. Not if it's a coin collection or more books. Ive seen more books than Ive ever seen im my entire life and that's out here" I look around at the apartment that is peppered with stacks of books in all places. " I don't even want to imagine what you have tucked away in the rest of the place"

She stands up and stretches. Her shirt rises up on her stomach and exposes the top of her hip bones and its sexy as hell. Her jeans are tight but I notice shes wearing a belt.

'eyes on your paper, McGee" she reprimands playfully

"you did that on purpose" I say still resting my head back on the couch, remote in hand.

"come on" she extends a hand for me so I set the remote on the couch and take her hand

she walks me around the coffee table toward the front door

"where exactly are we going?" I say noticing shes still holding my hand but I make no movement to take it away

"to a better place" say replies without looking back at me

"oh, god which one of us is dying? Only dying aunts and pets go there" I muse just as we reach the front door

She opens the front door and then turns to face me, still holding my hand

"I want ice cream. Youre taking me to get some. There. Better now?"

"ice cream? that's your better place?"

"brain freeze helps clear my mind. Sometimes it gets a little too crowded in here" she points to her brain and I notice a sad look that comes across her face, its there and then its gone. She smiles and then lets go of my Hand

"oh man they have some amazing flavors, and you can mix anything and everything together. it's the closest to heaven I can imagine." spencer says joyfully and it kind of makes her look adorable almost child like as she says this

I smile. I really am starting to like being around her. Its weird and new

We lock up the apartment and head down the stairs to the car

I try to walk a little slower to get a glimpse of her walking in front of me but as soon as I slow down abit she turns around and interlocks her arm with mine

"oh no you don't, it's a nice ass, take my word for it" she smirks

"you really are starting to freak me out" I sigh with a smile

"just wait" she says coyly

That excites me. The though of having more time with her the thought of a 'later' is incredibly electric and my body reacts

We get to the car and I go around to open the passenger door for her

She turns to face me before getting in and says with a serious face "you don't love her, Bo, you should be honest with her, and yourself"

We make it to the ice cream shop in good time, about a fifteen minute drive and a ten minute wait to get our orders. We sit at one of the tables outside. The weather is really nice this time of day.

And every time theres a soft breeze the smell of vanilla from Lauren's shampoo mixes with the scent of ice cream. Its absolutely delicious.

Neither of us mentioned anything about the comment she made earlier about me not being in love with cameron. We both know shes right.

"if you weren't aware of fear, what would you do with your life?" out of nowhere she cuts the silence with a question

"if I wasn't afraid? Hmm I don't know" I wonder about it for a minute. I don't really miss out on much since im really not afraid of anything other than animals. Tigers, lions, bears.

"okay, if you had one night to do anything, absolutely anything with no consequences what would you do?"

"you" I say without thinking.

She giggles

I smile and look down sheepishly at my ice cream

"well its pretty obvious youd do that with or without consequences, doll face" she says looking at me and tilting her head to the side in a sexy way. Strands of her blond curls fall across her face abit.

Something about her about all of this makes me feel embarrassed. I don't know why

"I could make you fall in love with me" she says while sucking on her spoon

I look up at her

"I don't doubt it" I say

"I don't want you to fall in love with me" she says this with a serious tone and I take notice

"okay, I wont" I say. I don't know where this is going but I don't like it. it confuses me.

"Bo?" I think this is the first time ive heard her say my name. it sounds amazing on her lips.

"Bo?" she repeats to get my attention

"hmm?" I say

"if I could give you forever in one night would you take it?"shes looking out at the sky. Its too early to see any stars and there really arent any clouds in the sky so im guessing shes just sort of lost in thought and staring off into space

"how can you have one night and forever at the same time?" I ask not really understanding the question

She turns her gaze to meet mine and I can see the streaks on her cheeks. She's been crying. When? Why?

Im so lost.

I lean across the table to get closer to her

"what's wrong Lauren?" I ask with more emotion than I expected

"one night, Bo? Would you take it?"

"yes" I say before even thinking. Not really understanding but maybe I didn't even care. Maybe I just wanted to say yes to her. For whatever reason.

She smiles

I notice her squint her eyes. She puts her ice cream on the table and then rubs both her hands against her temples.

"Lauren? Are you okay?" I say abit worried "can I get you anything?"

"brain freeze, that's all" she smiles but I don't wholeheartedly believe her "whew, im stuffed!" patting her stomach.

I laugh

"you didn't even finish" I take her cup of ice cream and notice its still half full unlike mine, empty

"no more snacking or we'll spoil our appetite" she says in a sexy voice as she leans over the table and presses her lips to my cheek "want to see something?" she asks

"déjà vu" I say outloud, recalling it's the same question she asked just before our trip to get ice cream.

"so you in?" she insists

"im in" I smile

"okay! Lets go!" im pretty sure this girl is all kinds of bi polar but well im already in too deep so I just do as im told. Which is a first. So many firsts with her.

We make it back to the car and I ask her where to next as I pull out of the parking lot. she says "it's a surprise" I turn to her and say that its going to be pretty hard for her to surprise me since im the one driving.

She does a little confused puppy look which is the cutest thing ive ever seen and then we both break out into a fit of laughter

"well well well, little miss I know everything didn't think this one through did she?" I tease

"okay okay, I can fix this" she says "pull over"

"nuh uh" I laugh

"Bo, pull overrr" she drags out my name with a pout and it takes everything within my control not to pull over and jump her right there.

"okay fine" I say with images of our naked bodies writhing in the backseat playing in my head

"stop it" she teases

"stop what"

"you know what" she whispers into my ear as one of her hands finds its way to the back of my head. I feel her run her fingers through my hair and then the feeling is gone, far too quickly. What a tease. "youre too good for car sex" she says when shes back in her own seat

I look over at her for a moment right before pulling into a gas station

"youre too good for a lot of things" she adds

"you?" the word leaves my mouth before I have time to stop myself. Luckily it was just above a whisper so theres hope she didn't hear me say it. Then again she can read my thoughts so im screwed either way I think to myself ironically

I see a smile tug at the corners of her mouth

She turns her body to face me and takes both my hands in hers so I turn to face her as well

I can feel it before it happens as crazy as that sounds, but I can feel the softness of her lips even while were still just sitting there staring at one another

Then finally she leans in to me and I feel it. I feel the kiss.

Our bodies don't move, our hands stay entwined in one another's but our lips move. It's like we both pour out everything were feeling and thinking into that one kiss. She moves her head slightly and I part my lips to allow for us to get closer. I want to feel her tongue in my mouth. But before the kiss has a chance to deepen she moves away.

It takes me a few seconds to regain myself and my eyes flutter open

She places a hand on my cheek and then turns to open the car door and just like that shes gone.

I let out a deep sigh

Im lost

I am so lost

I rest my head against the seat and watch as she enters the gas station

I can see through the glass as the guy behind the counter, probably about our age, follows Lauren through the store with a look in his eyes. He wants her you can tell. He looks at her the way I looked at her when I first saw her. That thought makes me feel dirty and embarrassed. My mind plays back the words Lauren had said earlier about only using sex as a distraction.

She's different though. I don't want to be distracted when im near her. I don't want to fuck, I don't want to have sex, I want more. Now I know what she meant by essence. All I can think of is how Lauren has an essence. Ive never felt that about anyone else.

I hear a tap on the window and see a smiling Lauren holding a bag

"you ready for this?" she muses as she opens my car door and helps me out

"I can honestly no" I shake my head

"aww, come on, you have no fears remember?" I see her reach into the bag and pull out a black tie.

"are we playing dress up, princess?"

"no, darling, were playing hide and seek, the adult version" she winks "now turn around"

"youre going to blind fold me? Uh, I mean, sounds fun, but.." I am beyond surprised. Im learning very quickly that Lauren really is different from other girls her age. Cameron was right.

"trust me" she says

I exhale abit nervously and turn around. She ties the cloth around my eyes and then leads me over to the passenger seat and helps in. I hear the car turn on a few seconds later and I guess were on our way.

"so uh, this isn't the part where you drag me out to the desert and im never heard from again, is it? Cause you can tell me if that's how this goes, I wont be mad" I say in a teasing tone

I can hear her laughing and it sounds even cuter now that I cant see her.

"this is the part where I give you forever in one night, don't you remember?" she laughs abit and then adds "were almost there"

A few silent moments I feel the car come to a stop.

I wait for a few more seconds and sure enough a car door opens and Lauren says "remember what it feels like not to see me, okay?"

What? Is she going to leave me here, wherever here is? A rush of panic floods through and then im relaxed again as my car door opens and I can feel soft lips on mine again, just like before. Mmm

"take my hand" I reach out to feel for her hand and take it

"is this our first date?" I question with soft laughter

"if this were one of your dates id be naked by now, im sure" she laughs

Im about to say something pervy and flirty but I stop myself, instead I reply "youre not like anyone else, Lauren"

Theres a long silence and then I hear " open your eyes"

Weve stopped. I reach up and pull the black tie from my eyes.

The beach? I havent been here in ages.

"this is where we first met. Im sure you don't remember it" she smiles shyly and looks away

" I was fifteen, a senior that year. You were there" she points out a section of the beach that's abit secluded by the rocks. "you had a girl with you" she laughs "when do you not have a girl with you, Bo?"

I look at her. The beach? Yes I did spend almost every weekend out here when I was in college, but how would I have seen Lauren out here, I didn't even know cameron then.

"we lived there, the house with the blue shutters" I follow in the direction she's pointing. it's a house just up the way from where were standing. So that's how. She must have been out on one of the nights when I was here, with a girl.

she reaches around her neck and under her shirt. I see her pull out a necklace or a locket.

"she left, the girl you were with, she left after you finished drinking and you stayed." her face grows a little more serious and just a bit sad as she thumbs the locket in her hand with her fingers

"at first I thought you were sleeping, you looked so peaceful"

Fuck! No no no, tell me it isn't what im thinking. Please don't say it.

"he came over to you and I thought he was going to help you. Take you some place safe, take you to your friends"

Shit, she was there, she saw it. I gulp. I havent thought of that night in years. Its taken everything in me not to think of that night.

"by the time I came down, I made it out here, you were" she's crying, I can hear the tears choking her words as she speaks "I was up there reading and silently admiring you. I used to do that a lot" she smiles through her tears

"Lauren" I begin to say something but the words don't come out

"you can tell you know, love, you can tell. From the very first moment. All you have to do is shut out everything else and listen"

I want to reach out and hold her, hug her and let all of these feelings just wash over me but I cant, I cant move.

She sinks down into the sand and presses her knees to her chest.

"the first time I saw you" she pauses "you were helping some old lady with grocery bags" she laughs softly "all your friends just headed straight for the bon fire but not you, you noticed the lady and you stopped to help" another pause "you smiled at me when you passed"

I start to get the images of the time shes recalling. The old lady, a cute girl on the porch, yep I remember.

"I remember" I say taking a seat next to her in the sand "Lauren, I remember you" I smile

"I saw you a lot after that. Bon fires, your dates with girls" she scoffs

"the night" I can hear her swallow before she goes on "the night with the guy, I went down to you, I tried, I tried to get there as fast as I could" she's crying again. I can both see and feel her body shaking slightly

Finally, I find a way to wrap her in my arms. Im holding her. I let her cry.

"im sorry, I should have been faster"

"Lauren, no no, it wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done" I try to soothe her to reassure her. My mind is racing. How was it that this beautiful sweet girl had to deal with something like that at fifteen. It didn't make any sense.

"I waited. I waited with you, you said you didn't want to go anywhere. I asked if you wanted to come to my house if I could help you get somewhere and you just stayed there. You didn't want to go"

"I was.."

"I know, you were hurt, on the inside" she turns to face me and I feel her reach out the hand that was holding the locket and she presses it to my heart "on the inside"

I feel the first tears start to form. I don't want to cry in front of her.

"I wanted to talk to you, after that, I wanted so bad to talk to you. I knew you wouldn't remember me from that night but I just .."

She's right, I don't remember her from that night. I remember being there at that place I remember him, but everything else is blurry.

"I wish you would have" I say honestly "I wish I would have met you a long time ago" and I really do wish that.

She smiles and rests her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her even tighter and we just sit there for awhile.

"forever in one night" I finally say. "what does that mean, Lauren"

She reaches around her neck and pulls off her locket and then slowly and ever so sweetly places it on me

I sweep my hair to the side so that the locket rests against my neck. I reach down to see it but Lauren stills my hand.

"not yet" she says gently "not yet okay?"

"okay" I reply, not fully understanding

"Lauren?"

"yes?"

"youre right, I knew. I knew in that first moment"

She looks up and smiles at me. "the porch for me, the apartment for you" she whispers between her lips.

"I didn't know you were dating my sister" she laughs softly and I can tell she has stopped crying "but im glad the universe brought you to me"

"I wouldn't really call it dating" I admit "im sorry I know that sounds kind of mean"

"you should be better to her, Bo" what? I wasn't expecting that.

"I told you not to fall in love with me, silly" she looks up and smirks at me but I see abit of sadness in her eyes

"well, im pretty sure that ship might have just sailed out of here" I know it's the truth

"Bo, I meant it when I said you cant fall in love with me" she sighs and then smiles as though she's trying to forget something "never mind all that, lets just enjoy tonight, okay?" and with that she snuggles back into my arms

I cant help but replay her words back and forth in my head. Why cant I fall in love? This whole day has been one huge love talk, now shes telling me theres no chance at love? Okay now im beyond lost with this girl.

"if you could paint over a bad picture with a beautiful one, would you do it?"

"yes" I say thinking about all the ugly pictures ive painted in my life

I feel the weight of her body against mine as she pushes me back and into the sand as she straddles me with one long leg on either side of my body. My hands instinctively find her hips and I rub small circles against her jeans

As she leans down closer to me I move my hands from her hips up her back and down again.

Her kisses are feather soft at first like quiet promises were both afraid to speak out loud

"I want to be your beautiful picture" she whispers against my ear as her hands slide across the expanse of my neck and down my collar bone.

I moan softly as I reply "you already are"

And in that moment I know we are both healing scars that were never meant to soil such perfect skin.

The night is beautiful beyond words but the morning finds me alone. I reach around expecting to touch her skin but instead there is only sand.

"Lauren?" I call out but nothing. She's nowhere around

I notice im still naked from the night before and suddenly im grateful for seclusion

After I get dressed I head over to the car. I think about going over to the house Lauren pointed out the night before but I remember her saying they moved away so that wouldn't do any good.

I take out my phone to call her but then remember I don't have her number. What the fuck. Well yeah, ive only known her a day so that explains that.

I don't know what to do so finally I decide to just head over to cameron's place and hopefully ill find her there.

The car ride from the beach to cameron's has me fiddling with explanations in my head that might best explain why I slept with her sister when I was supposed to be babysitting her

Babysitting, ugh that word makes it sound like she's nine. Gross.

My mind goes back to her face, her body, her smile.

I smile at just the thought of her

All that thinking made the car ride go quickly. Im here. I make my way out of the car, up the stairs and knock on the door. I check my phone its 7:00 am so cameron should be up and getting ready for work.

When the door opens im hoping to see Lauren's blue eyes but instead im met with a frantic Cameron.

"where the hell have you been? Ive been calling you! I cant find Lauren. What the hell happened bo, you were supposed to watch her, that's why I asked you to stay with her, she cant be alone.." she was rambling

I check my phone again, no missed calls. Must have loss service.

"whoa, calm down, what do you mean she can be alone?" out of everything she said that stuck out the most, so I asked

"she's sick, Bo!" as soon as the words left her mouth I felt my heart sink, like breaking but in slow motion "what do you mean sick?"

"she's…the same thing that makes her so smart makes her sick. She's not supposed to be left alone, she's tried to leave before but the doctors say she shouldn't be alone because if anything happens…she's tired, bo" cameron starts crying "she's tired, she says it all the time she's tired and she wants to go"

My mind played back to what Lauren said about wanting ice cream and thinking of it as her better place

"is she…is she coming back?" I didn't want to hear the answer but I couldn't help but ask the question

" I don't think so" cameron sobbed as she fell into my arms and I hugged her

Just the night before I held Lauren that same way as she cried. Why had Lauren taken me there, why had she shown me all of it shared all of it with me if all along she planned to leave me. I didn't know what to feel or how to feel. I was numb I was confused I was lost

I felt cameron run her fingers over Lauren's locket. Shit, how was I going to explain this

"where did you …Lauren gave this to you?" she asked looking up at me

"uh, she said, well it was.." fuck, I couldn't figure out how to say it

A look flashed across cameron's face and her eyes seemed to click with some bit of information.

"oh, god, it was you, it's you, youre the girl"

"huh?"

"Lauren fell hard for some random girl she said she met on the beach, we all asked her about it but she wouldn't give us any details, like a name or something so we just figured she had an imaginary friend" she laughed softly remembering her sister. I could see the pain in her eyes. She missed her already

"one day she came down to the table for breakfast and she had this locket. She said she had bought it and would wear it until she saw the girl again. And when she saw her she said she would give her this and we would all know that the girl really existed" cameron held back the tears for as long as she could but they flowed again "the joke was still on her though because for years she never gave that stupid locket away, so it just made us all think the girl was imaginary even more" she laughed through her tears

"what's inside" she asked me

"you mean you've never seen it?" I said surprised

"god no, no one could even go near this thing without Lauren freaking out. She always had it with her. Slept with it, ate with it, even showered with it. "

I started to feel the threat of tears myself now fully understanding the severity of the situation. Lauren wasn't coming back

"are you going to open it?" I heard Cameron say as she moved her head to rest against my shoulder

I held it up to my face and looked at it. It was gold with a black infinity symbol across the front of it.

My fingers rubbed it absentmindedly as my mind played back to the night before "forever in one night"


	2. Let my soul bleed out

**Hey guys! I just wanted to say it's been pretty awesome getting to read all the feedback. Keep it coming! I love getting your take on the story. Oh, and someone mentioned the 'spencer' that was included in the story. It was a typo. I was writing this story for a south of nowhere fic before I switched it over to Lost Girl. One of the characters was named Spencer. Hope that clears that up :P**

**also! find me on Twitter! I want to get a chance to talk to all you lovely readers :) My twitter info is on my profile. dont be shy! :)**

_I painted you a picture the other day._  
_I've painted you more than one, actually._  
_It just seems to come so easily when I think of you._  
_The colors on the canvas come alive and I find myself smiling and thinking of you and if you'd like it if you were to see the finished product._  
_I know it's probably a bad sign that when I think of love songs I think of you, even after all this time._  
_I feel like I'm in some devastatingly twisted taylor Swift song, where I'm in love with someone who's not even there, and all the while I am up in my room scribbling page after page of an endless saga._  
_I do a lot of sighing when I'm alone._  
_A soft, quiet exhale that reminds me I've been sort of holding my breath without realizing it._  
_The kind of sighing that makes you remember your heart is so fragile yet so strong._  
_And you wish it and will it with all of your might not to be so strong, then maybe it wouldn't love so deeply and maybe you wouldn't be where you are now._  
_And where you are now is sighing._  
_You know, like the kind that comes from a heavy heart._  
_A heart heavy with love is the worst, it shouldn't be but it is._  
_Because you have the kind of love that makes your heart feel light and carefree and drifting away on the clouds with your head in day dream land all day._  
_Or you have the other kind of love. _  
_The heavy heart kind of love, where you keep all this amazing, incredibly honest and sincere, I would do anything to be with you, my whole world lights up when youre around, I dream about your kisses, you could be the one, kind of love all bottled up inside until its brimming at the seems and you feel like you just want someone to come around and shake you up until it all falls out and youre free of it._  
_You're free of this overbearing anxiousness that empowers your heart to scream._  
_It isn't all bad, I guess. _  
_At least that's what I keep telling myself._  
_It does seem to ignite my creativity and fuel the energy I feel, like my spirit and soul are ablaze with passion._  
_But lets be honest, even if it were all bad, I would still endure._  
_I would still love you, because loving you isnt really even a choice anymore._  
_It is my oxygen._  
_Your soft, irreverent face and those beautifully delicate features, your long slender body adorned with luscious silk skin, your hair, like flowing waters dancing across your shoulders, your smile, dripping with sex appeal and sparking a fire within me, those eyes, like soft whispers of hope keeping me alive._  
_You. Everything to me, is you._  
_I see you everywhere._  
_I see you in the smallest, sweetest things._  
_I see you in the biggest, brightest things._  
_I see you in each sunrise, as sun light drips through my window curtains, I imagine waking up to your face content with love and your body smooth with the morning dew._  
_I see you in every sunset._  
_I picture seeing you smile brightly after a long day and basking in the glory of knowing I am the one you come home to._  
_I am the heart you wrap your arms around and kiss hello._  
_After all this, I have realized something important._  
_I have a problem. I no longer know how to not love you. _  
_I am addicted._

_It's been a year since I've seen your face but I still manage to dream of your smile every night without fail._  
_I still see your eyes sparkling and your lips dancing into gorgeous smiles across that beautiful face._  
_Where are you?_  
_My heart aches for you._  
_I crave you more than life itself._  
_My body burns with intensity and passion._  
_But without you my body is dead._  
_All the passion my heart can hold but no one to share it with._

_Where are you?_  
_Everyone keeps trying to convince me you're gone for good._  
_Everyone says youre never coming back and that im holding on to a ghost, to a memory._  
_But I don't believe that._  
_My heart is yours._  
_My heart still beats for you._  
_One day soon I know I'll serenade your heart with the beat of my own._  
_Until that day I'll sing you to sleep and meet you in my dreams._

"what are you scribbling over there?" I hear Cameron call out from the kitchen.  
"just words" I say as I study the book in front of me. I don't know how long I've been writing. I lose track of time when I write.  
"it's always words with you. don't you ever get tired of writing in that book?" she asks as I look over to where she's standing in front of the kitchen table. it's a big pile of papers and books.  
I don't answer. Instead I touch my fingers to the locket hanging around my neck.  
It's become so soothing for me to be able to feel that tiny locket in my fingers. It's how I spend a good portion of my time. Rubbing gentle soft circles over it, absentmindedly.  
"anyway, I'm heading out. I'll pick up something up for tonight. Chinese or Mexican?" Cameron asks as she shuffles through papers on the kitchen table trying to find her keys.  
"I assume you mean take out and not a preference for Saturday night hookers" I throw out into the atmosphere with a smirk. I lay across the sofa in our apartment with my book placed open against my chest. It's how I spend many a night.  
"oh, right, because we all know how much you just love Mexicans in leather boots and mini skirts" papers shuffling.  
"well, actually I'm quite fond of bite size Asians in leopard print"  
I hear Cameron laugh as she holds out her hands to me to show that she finally found her infamous keys. It's almost a daily occurrence that my once girlfriend and now roommate loses those tiny little pieces of information.  
"oh, whatever. I'm gonna pick then! Be back around 8" she bellows out as she makes her way over to me, kisses the top of my head and then heads to the front door of the apartment we share. She adds as an afterthough "don't wait up!"  
"I never do" I bark back in response. But that's a lie, I always wait up for her. I always make sure she's made it home safe and sound. I guess it's just become habit to try and look after her in an attempt to look after Lauren.  
And then she's gone.  
And then I'm left alone, sighing out loud, rubbing my fingers to the most precious part of my life, to the extension of my own heart. That beautiful locket.  
The day Lauren left was the hardest day of my life. Even harder than the night on the beach so long ago.  
I spent months trying to find her, trying to find any semblance of possibility.  
A year later and I am still holding on to that last vestige of hope.  
I wont let it die.  
My heart breathes out each night with soft whispers letting me know that somewhere, someplace in this vast existence…she's there.  
I know she is.  
I held the locket in my hands every night after she left.  
And every night I tried to bring myself to open it.  
I tried to muster up the courage to unlock it and find that forever in one night that she talked about, but something always stopped me.  
Something always held me frozen in place, frozen in time, frozen in memories of what once was.  
I still look for her.  
Every time I'm out, I look around for that familiar smile I try to listen for that delicious laughter that had my stomach dancing with butterflies that night, that had me begging for more.  
But it's all to no avail. I have yet to see her again.  
The only link I have to her, aside from the locket, is Cameron.  
After everything I couldn't bring myself to let her go.  
I held onto her in the hope that someday I could reach out far enough to grasp ahold of Lauren somehow.  
Cameron knows, she feels the same way.  
We have bonded over our love for Lauren, over our loss of that beautiful creature.  
One year to the day, since I woke up on the beach reaching for her hand and touching only sand.  
I ache more deeply than I ever thought a human soul could endure.  
The blood in my veins screams out her name and all I can do to manage a normal existence is to paint my feelings, to let my soul bleed out across so many blank canvases trying to replicate that once beautiful picture, perfection personified.  
So here I am, alone in my apartment, waiting to wake up, waiting to feel alive again.


End file.
